Strengths and Weaknesses

Turns out children are individuals. They are TOTALLY different. Even twins are completely different.

Back Story:
We've had a long last couple of days. Saturday night we went to a friends house and the kids didn't go to bed until almost 10:30 which is way past bed time. Then yesterday we went to my parents house and they played with a bunch of their cousins. We got home about 7 which is pretty much bed time. Needless to say the kids were EXHAUSTED.

All of them needed showers before they went to bed so we were preparing for that. I told Ellie to pick out jammies and get ready to take a shower. She didn't want to pick out jammies. Then she wanted someone to be with her. This turned into a full blown tantrum. Ellie tantrums are exhausting and frustrating (as most of them are.) But this little girl is determined, smart, stubborn, and persistent. She will continue to cry/ask for the same thing over and over during a tantrum. You can ask her a question and she refuses to answer it. She will continue to repeat the same statement over and over. I know this sounds like a regular tantrum, but and Ellie tantrum is worse than a Ben tantrum or a Will tantrum. An Ellie tantrum is a battle of wills. And hers is STRONG. Which is something that I love about her. I want her to always have that determination and strong will. We have had to learn how to deal with it. She needs to know there are boundaries. She needs to know that she is being heard and is allowed to be angry but she has to learn to control it. She needs consistency. She's like a wild mare. She has so much strength and power in her she just needs to know how to reign it in when needed. She needs to know who is in control and how far she is allowed to push things. If you give into her tantrums she is ten times worse the next time. When she learns to control her determination, strong will, persistence and stubbornness she will go far in life. Jim is amazing dealing with her. He is patient and strong. He knows how to calm her down and he's able to help her to control her anger. I learn so much from watching him with her.

Will is totally different than her. He gets overwhelmed easily. He is super sensitive and super smart. He is surprisingly smart. When he gets upset he freaks out. His isn't because he wants to control the situation like his sister. He does want things to go his way but not because he wants to control things. In dealing with Will you have to remove him from the situation. When he gets upset its like his senses have gone on overload. Even if you gave him what he wanted he'd still have a hard time calming down. He needs to completely leave the room. Sometimes you have to sit with him and have him take big deep breaths. We have to help him refocus his frustration.

Ben is very emotional. He is very caring and loving. Trust is very big with him. If you tell him something is going to happen it NEEDS to happen. He has a hard time understanding when you tell him "no" its for a reason it's not just because you don't love him. He takes every "no" personally. With Ben you have to explain to him the reason you are telling him no and let him know that you still love him he just can't do x, y or z. He wants to please everyone. He is very concerned about people liking him - whether its us, his friends, his teachers, etc. With him we need to help him gain more self confidence.

Our kids are so unique. They are all so much fun and we love them each so much. Its quite a learning experience in handling each one of them. What works with one doesn't work with another. In fact sometimes what is the right thing to do with one of them is complete wrong thing to do for the other. I'm so grateful that I have such a wonderful husband who is so patient with them (and me).

Love Languages

Quite a while ago I came across the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. (I thought I wrote a whole blog post on this a couple years ago but it seems I didn't.) Well I came across it again recently and decided to retake the assessment (especially since I have no idea what I got last time)

Here is a quote from the website that kind of explains the Love Language concept.

After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.

Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

I wasn't totally surprised by my results. Here are my results: 

12	Words of Affirmation
7	Physical Touch
6	Quality Time
5	Receiving Gifts
0	Acts of Service

Your Love Language

Words of Affirmation

The highest score indicates your primary love language (the highest score is 12). It’s not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means two languages are important to you.
The lower scores indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect you very much on an emotional level. Click Next to learn more about your primary love language and how to put it to use.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Hubby also took the assessment. His results were

11	Physical Touch
6	Words of Affirmation
6	Quality Time
6	Acts of Service
1	Receiving Gifts

At least our to two are the same although in reverse. I don't think that Acts of Service is really 0 for me. I took it again and these are my second results: (I think they stay generally the same but some move up or down a little depending on your mood)

11	Words of Affirmation
8	Quality Time
7	Physical Touch
2	Receiving Gifts
2	Acts of Service

This is useful information to have. I learned that getting up and giving my hubby a kiss when he gets home work from or leaves is HUGE in his book. Every day I would make a point to put a note in his lunch box telling him I loved him and I hope he had a great day. I learned that the hug and kiss has way more impact than the note. I also learned how important words are to me. I need to be told I'm loved and appreciated.

Interesting stuff.... If you would like to take the assessment for yourself here's the link Love Language Quiz

11	Words of Affirmation
8	Quality Time
2	Receiving Gifts
2	Acts of Service
7	Physical Touch

10 Things I Love About My Husband

My husband really is an amazing man. I grew up with all the same dreams most little girls have. Marry a prince, have lots of babies, live happily ever after. Thats the way things work isn't it? Well my husband may not be a prince in the technical sense of the word (Unless he is and he's just hiding all those untold riches, which means we need to have a LONG talk ;) ) But he is my Prince Charming.

There is so much that I love about this guy that I figured I would narrow it down to the 10.

1. I love that he loves me in spite of me.

This may sound weird. But if you knew me you'd know I have pretty low self esteem and that in turn can make me somewhat hard to live with. I know its frustrating to him that I don't believe in myself and that I have a hard time understanding why someone would love me but he does.

2. He has amazing patience with our kids.

Kids can be difficult at times. They all have different personalities (Its almost like they are totally unique little people! Crazy huh? :) ) They all require different parenting techniques. One of our children is super sensitive. This child needs help calming down. It's a challenge for me - especially when I am angry or upset with said child. Yelling at this particular child only escalates the situation. Hubby is really great about getting down to eye level with this child and calming the child down. (I specifically am not naming names about said child)

3. He sacrifices so much for our family.

There have been times that he has worked two jobs or worked full time and gone to school full time so he could provide for our family. He works so hard and his work ethic is something that every employer would want.

4. He is one of the smartest people I've ever met.

There isn't a question that I've asked him that he doesn't have an answer for. He is a human calculator. He can do huge math problems just in his head. I used to car pool to work with a coworker and we would come up with questions on the ride to work just so we could call him and get the answers.

5. He is FREAKIN HILARIOUS!!!

Anyone who has ever met my hubby knows that he is the funniest guy EVER. He can make just about anyone laugh. Some of my favorite times are just when we sit together laughing. He is so quick on his feet too. He usually has a comeback for everything.

6. He knows how to say I'm sorry.

One thing that I've learned from him over the years is how to say I'm sorry. He is willing to admit when he is wrong and apologize for it. This is rare from what I hear.

7. I'm never stranded

I know that if I get lost I can call him and he will be there to talk me back home.

8. He can fix ANYTHING

If there is a problem with my car - he can fix it.

If there is something broken in the house - he can fix it.

If I am down/sad/depressed - he's usually able to bring me out of it.

If something is wrong with the dog or cat - he knows what to do.

If we were in the middle of the zombie apocalypse - I'd want him next to me because I know I'd be safe.

9. He believes in me

He is my biggest fan. He loves my photography and my sewing projects. He tells me I'm smart and that I can finish school.

10. He sleeps cuddled up next to me.

I know most people don't sleep this way but I love it. I love that he will sleep with his arms around me and his legs tangled up in mine. Even during the winter when my body temperature is below freezing.

To make a long post short, too late I really am the luckiest woman in the world. I know I haven't always appreciated him the way that I should. I know in the past I've forgotten what a great man I have.  I haven't always been the best wife I could have been and I know I've made some horrible mistakes in my life. I'm not sure what I did to deserve such an amazing husband but I'm glad I have him. He is my protector, my comedian, my lover, my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my rock, my everything.

I love you baby and I hope to have 80 more years together to show you how much I love you.