Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Hard Day

Today was a really hard day. Will was up a ton last night and then didn't sleep worth crap today. He napped for a total of about 3 hours for the whole day. I broke down and gave him a bottle at 9:00. He nursed at 7:17 - 7:25am and then at 9:00 he was SCREAMING so I just tried the bottle. He downed it and then he was a totally different child. Happy and smiling. So I figured maybe the problem is he's starving. But I can't get him to nurse for longer than about 10 minutes at each feeding. He wants to eat every two hours and acts like I've never fed him before if he goes any longer than that. Today he ate 9 times. (plus two 4 ounce bottles) The longest was 15 minutes every other time was under 10 minutes. He spent quite a bit of time just screaming today. I can't put him down but even when I'm holding him he will scream. I felt horrible today I just wanted to shake him. I really do understand how people can cross that line shake their babies. Thankfully I have that support system and I know what damage shaking a baby can cause and I would never do it. But there are times that I just want him to. shut. up. When he has been screaming for 20 minutes and Ellie starts crying and Ben wants to be held I just about lose it. I hate that feeling. I don't want to feel that ovewhelmed with my children. I adore them and would never ever hurt them.

I am going to a La Leche League meeting tomorrow night to hopefully get some help with dealing with Will. I just have no ideas on what to do. On top of everything I have a blocked Milk duct which is SO PAINFUL! (I think it's because they don't nurse for very long) I definately don't want to give up nursing them and I don't want Will to get too used to the bottle. If he gets a significant amount of bottles he gets lazy with nursing and only wants a bottle. I just wish I had the answers as to how to help Will. I hate that he's so unhappy. I hate that I don't know how to fix it. Hopefully they will have some answers tomorrow night. I really do need some help.

I think it would have been easier to deal with if I had gotten some sleep or if my house wasn't a complete disaster. I really wanted to clean the living room today and go through Ben's toys(He has so many and I need to put some in storage) but I couldn't do anything because Will needed all my attention. When he didn't need me it was Ellie or Ben. I'm really trying to be a good mom I just feel like I'm failing. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes. There is so much that I want to do and don't feel like I can get to anything. I would love to have one day that I could just be childless and clean/organize my whole house and take a really long nap (except it would take more than a day and I'd have to stop every two hours to nurse because I don't want them to not nurse) Sigh

Please pray that tonight will be better. I need some sleep if I'm going to deal with this again tomorrow. Good night all :)


Abby Hanson said...

Oh Melody! I hope you've been able to get some rest since yesterday!! Poor thing! Hopefully La Leche League will have some good ideas.

Erica said...

Girl I totally understand about the crabby baby as my nieces baby did nothing but cry and shaking the beby sometimes seems what will fix it cause you are going nuts but glad to see you knew not too (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) You are not failing your kids or yourself you are a great mother. I love how honest you are in your post it shows how much you love your children. I know my nieces baby loves the vacuum to run she loves LOUD noises and to be wrapped very TIGHT heat was great. They have stuff for colic at the stores which helps some to at least take some of the edge off. She didn't out growit for like 6mths OUCH. From what I read heat helps the babies dont ask why they is probaly why he likes to be outside. I am here if you ever need to talk Mel I wish I was closer to help give you the breaks you need or to clean your house for you. call me anytime chick love ya

Erica said...

Ok I googled and talked to my niece and her doctor gave her stuff for gasy stomachs and it helped a ton. also here girl http://www.colichelp.com/
and here http://www.colichelp.com/wedge.html

Tami said...

Good luck today Mel. Hold on and remember for every day like this there will be 100's of more good ones. A good mom is not measured by how clean her house is or how succesfully she breastfeeds her children. It is by how much she loves and cares for her children! Love ya!

Chelsea said...

oh i feel for you. i'm sure i don't have any advice you haven't before, so just know that you have my sympathy.