Today was a really hard day. Will was up a ton last night and then didn't sleep worth crap today. He napped for a total of about 3 hours for the whole day. I broke down and gave him a bottle at 9:00. He nursed at 7:17 - 7:25am and then at 9:00 he was SCREAMING so I just tried the bottle. He downed it and then he was a totally different child. Happy and smiling. So I figured maybe the problem is he's starving. But I can't get him to nurse for longer than about 10 minutes at each feeding. He wants to eat every two hours and acts like I've never fed him before if he goes any longer than that. Today he ate 9 times. (plus two 4 ounce bottles) The longest was 15 minutes every other time was under 10 minutes. He spent quite a bit of time just screaming today. I can't put him down but even when I'm holding him he will scream. I felt horrible today I just wanted to shake him. I really do understand how people can cross that line shake their babies. Thankfully I have that support system and I know what damage shaking a baby can cause and I would never do it. But there are times that I just want him to. shut. up. When he has been screaming for 20 minutes and Ellie starts crying and Ben wants to be held I just about lose it. I hate that feeling. I don't want to feel that ovewhelmed with my children. I adore them and would never ever hurt them.
I am going to a La Leche League meeting tomorrow night to hopefully get some help with dealing with Will. I just have no ideas on what to do. On top of everything I have a blocked Milk duct which is SO PAINFUL! (I think it's because they don't nurse for very long) I definately don't want to give up nursing them and I don't want Will to get too used to the bottle. If he gets a significant amount of bottles he gets lazy with nursing and only wants a bottle. I just wish I had the answers as to how to help Will. I hate that he's so unhappy. I hate that I don't know how to fix it. Hopefully they will have some answers tomorrow night. I really do need some help.
I think it would have been easier to deal with if I had gotten some sleep or if my house wasn't a complete disaster. I really wanted to clean the living room today and go through Ben's toys(He has so many and I need to put some in storage) but I couldn't do anything because Will needed all my attention. When he didn't need me it was Ellie or Ben. I'm really trying to be a good mom I just feel like I'm failing. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes. There is so much that I want to do and don't feel like I can get to anything. I would love to have one day that I could just be childless and clean/organize my whole house and take a really long nap (except it would take more than a day and I'd have to stop every two hours to nurse because I don't want them to not nurse) Sigh
Please pray that tonight will be better. I need some sleep if I'm going to deal with this again tomorrow. Good night all :)