Randomness

Random #1

I get so busy with the twins that I've had to come up with things that Ben can do on his own. I went to Target the other day and got him a Rubbermaid tote and a bunch of plastic fish, rubber duckies and boats. I fill the Rubbermaid tote up with water and let him play with all of it on the porch. Yesterday I heard him call me while he was out there so I looked and this is what I found...

The poor boy's swimming pool

Random #2

I love living behind my parents (we live in a guest house in their back yard) It really has come in handy while having the twins. Either Ben, the twins and I go up to visit them or they come to visit us just about every night. It's so nice to have extra hands in helping with the babies. Ben loves his "Branka" (Grandpa) and Grandma. I don't think I could have survived the last two months without their help. My mom comes out every other night to help give the babies a bath and every morning to pack my c-section incision - after 2 months it still isn't completely healed. 2 weeks after the c-section they had to reopen it because it was healing from the outside first. They said it would take 6-8 weeks to heal. It's been 10 weeks and still not healed. grrr)

Three of my favorite men.

My dad, Ben and Will

Random #3

On June 30 2003 we found out we hadn't gotten selected for the INCIID the Heart program (an IVF scholarship program) This is what I wrote on my website from that day

"Well they made their decision and picked four of the seven applicants and we were not among the four. I don't know how I can handle this. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my body. I feel like my chance at Motherhood keeps slipping further and further away. It gets close every now and then, almost within reach but then it gets ripped away right out of my hands. I never thought someone could feel this much pain. I feel like I've miscarried again. Am I not fit to be a mother? Would we not be good parents? Why were we chosen for this path? It's such a horrible thought that we may never be able to give our parents grandchildren. We may never know the joy of holding our own child. We may never have our own grandchildren. Our branch of the family tree just may end here. Oh how I don't want that to happen. I want to wake up every night with crying babies. I want to kiss their tears away and calm their fears. I want to be able to share in first teeth, first words and first steps. I want to hear someone say "Mommy" and have them talking about me. I want to be able to give Jim babies and make him a Dad. I wonder if it will ever happen. Part of me dies a little every time we get rejected"

On August 30, 2003 we were selected for the program and now 5 years later we are the proud parents of 3 kids. I don't think I ever believed we'd have 3 kids. I desperately wanted at least one and couldn't bear to look past that. My children are my life and I am so grateful for them. I feel so blessed. I can't imagine my life any other way.

Holding my Babies