The last few days have been HARD!! I really think there should be a mandated time out for Mommies. I have not been a very good mommy the past couple days. I've been so short tempered that I just wanted to strangle the twins. (Don't call CPS. I would never hurt them) Between them not sleeping worth crap during the day, getting them to go to bed at night and just being generally cranky its been horrible. I sat on the couch and just cried last night. They wouldn't go to sleep. I let them cry for awhile(yes, I know Crying it out = horrible parent, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH) but they wouldn't calm down. Since our house is only 800 sq feet there isn't a place to go to get away from it. Last night it didn't make me feel guilty that they were crying, it didn't make me sad, it just grated on my nerves. I just wanted them TO SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP. I finally picked them up and brought them to the living room where I laid them on the couch. They stopped crying and just laid on the couch talking to each other. It would have been really cute if I didn't just want to be left alone. It only took a few minutes and they were out.
Today was a better day. I took Ben to Music Makers at the local library. It's a little singing time/story hour. It was really nice to get out of the house. But here's the ironic part. Before we left I got a call from my dad, he stayed home from work today (He was wrestling on the floor with a bunch of the grandkids on Sunday and we're pretty sure he broke a rib) He was going to the store and wanted to take Ben for awhile. I told him I appreciated the offer but I had alrady promised Ben we were going to MM. Then I got a call from a lady from our church. She said she found herself with a free morning and wanted to know if she could come over and watch my kids so I could get out of the house. How ironic is that? The only day that I actually have plans to get out of the house 2 people call to take my kids.
Actually it worked out. The lady from church came over after we got home and I got to go to the grocery store ALL ALONE! I left Ben with my dad and the twins with her. Ellie was sleeping and Will was really happy and pretty content so while I was gone she folded all my laundry. Ellie slept for an hour and a half. I was able to get my grocery shopping done and put away. After the lady left Ellie woke up and Will went down. He slept for 3 1/2 hours!! It was awesome. I think part of the key is trying to keep him up for 3 hours in between naps. He wants to go to sleep at the two hour mark (actually they both do) but I think keeping them up a little longer seems to help.
All the kids are in bed asleep. Which is wonderful. I'm feeling better. I think the key is just getting time to myself. I really think that's the key to being a better mommy. I need time alone. Time away from my children to focus on me. I need to remember that my children are not my appendages. I'm a separate person and I need to take time for myself.